


46%

by take-a-five (sweetcl0ver)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 15:56:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11165172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetcl0ver/pseuds/take-a-five
Summary: Dennis didn't ask if Charlie and Dee were still smoking together. It wasn't like he gave a shit, anyway, but neither of them ever brought it up, like it was still a secret. He couldn't help noticing whenever both of them were absent from the bar at the same time, though, and wondering what they were doing. Did they like each other more than they liked him and Mac? Ridiculous. They were probably commiserating over how weird and pathetic they both were. Maybe Dee was telling Charlie what else she'd learned from that heavy medical book she never wanted Dennis knowing she had. It would be idiotic to tell Charlie and not Dennis. Charlie wouldn't understand complicated terms like tremor, bradykinesia, or rigidity, but Dennis would.Because he'd looked them up on Wikipedia.





	46%

Most of the Gang would have said, if you'd asked them while they weren't too hungover to remember, that only one big secret was revealed the day they went to see the arbiter. But if you ask Dennis, there were actually _three_.

The first was obvious. It was the “revelation” they had ended the day with, the one everyone at the table already knew, the worst-kept secret in Philly: Mac was gay. And yes, Mac finally, _finally_ admitting it, completely sober and without thinking he was about to die, that was a big deal. Dennis had seen the genuine relief and happiness on Mac's face that day and estimated it was _almost_ as significant as his own satisfaction at the knowledge he'd never have to coddle his roommate through another sexuality-related personal crisis or self-delusion again. No more bullshit about this or that girl not being hot enough for Mac to even bother trying to bang. No more drooling over beefcakes while insisting he was just admiring their commitment to fitness. No more flirting with Mac to fluster and manipulate him into doing what Dennis wanted... Well. Still. The pros outweighed the cons. It was a good thing. Maybe Mac would even get a boyfriend, and Dennis wouldn't have to be Mac's sole emotional support system anymore. It was frankly EXHAUSTING checking in with him every hour to make sure he was okay, picking the top-quality restaurants for their monthly dinners, knowing when to ignore his whining because he was just thinking out loud and when to reassure him because Mac was genuinely upset about something... really, no one else could possibly do as magnificent a job as Dennis, but they were _welcome_ to try. _That_ was the point, Dennis was going to be supportive. 

The second revelation, which Dennis couldn't help but remember with revulsion since it had come in the midst of a conversation about dog shit and skunks, was that Charlie and Dee had been smoking together. What the hell? Since when did those two hang out? Dee was _his_ sister. Charlie was _his_ friend. They were connected by their orbit around _him_ , that was it. That's how it had been since high school. Dennis didn't like it when others in the Gang hung out without him. Without his rational influence, they were practically guaranteed to cook up some idiotic scheme that would get them in trouble. And who would have to bail them out? Dennis Reynolds. Every time. Any good quality Dee or Charlie might claim to have, Dennis possessed in spades. There was just no logical reason for them to spend time together without him. Idiots!

Dennis barely acknowledged the third “revelation.” It was just so preposterous. Dennis' brain was a precise, analytical _machine_ , and his mental powers were far too valuable to waste thinking about whatever it was Dee had been babbling about. “Parkinson's disease.” Ridiculous. His sister was just looking for attention, as usual, by wasting _his_ money on random, unnecessary genetic testing. Why the hell would she have Parkinson's? No one in their family had it. Well, probably not. Their mother had died before the typical age of symptom onset, so there was no way to be sure. And their birth father, what's-his-name, had seemingly disappeared. None of them had heard anything about him in years, and couldn't find him when they looked (although it had to be said they hadn't tried very hard). The _point_ was, Dee was _not_ going to get sick and die and leave him like their momm—like their mother had, the very idea was absurd and Dennis refused to indulge it.

After the three secrets came out that day, Dennis didn't expect anything to change. He maintained detailed psychological profiles on everyone in the Gang. No one knew their personalities better than he did, and they never changed. This was the group that resolved arguments by drinking until they forgot why they'd been yelling at each other in the first place, only to have the exact same disagreement the following week. They hurt each other over and over and didn't forgive, but collectively agreed to just move past it because there was no one else who would put up with them. 

But things did start to change. Not the arguing or the hurt feelings, those were more or less locked in at this point, but other, more subtle things. For a few weeks Dennis was curious to see if he could still get under Mac's skin by leaning too close, staring into his eyes, letting his gaze drop to his mouth, all the old tricks. Mac was immune. No blushing, no shy glances, no stiffness in his posture. Mac was calmer than Dennis had ever seen him. The night Mac caught him practicing his stripper routine, Dennis had _really_ pushed it. He busted out some totally hot, irresistibly sexy dance moves and got right up in Mac's face, sure that Mac was about to get flustered and retreat. But he didn't. He got a huge, goofy, hopeful grin on his face and Dennis realized he had lost this game of chicken and slammed the door. He didn't try to flirt with him again. He didn't notice Mac cheerfully ogling Dee's stripper guy, either. Or getting a lap-dance from him. Whatever, Dennis didn't care. It was fine.

Dennis didn't ask if Charlie and Dee were still smoking together. It wasn't like he gave a shit, anyway, but neither of them ever brought it up, like it was still a secret. He couldn't help noticing whenever both of them were absent from the bar at the same time, though, and wondering what they were doing. Did they like each other more than they liked him and Mac? Ridiculous. They were probably commiserating over how weird and pathetic they both were. Maybe Dee was telling Charlie what else she'd learned from that heavy medical book she never wanted Dennis knowing she had. It would be idiotic to tell Charlie and not Dennis. Charlie wouldn't understand complicated terms like tremor, bradykinesia, or rigidity, but Dennis would. ~~Because he'd looked them up on Wikipedia.~~

Where were Charlie and Dee even smoking? Not Dee's apartment; he would have smelled it. Charlie's apartment? That rancid trash heap would give Dee two diseases for every one she thought she could cure with cigarettes. Dennis chuckled aloud at his own wit and waited for Mac to ask him what was so funny. And waited. Nothing. Was Mac even paying attention to him? Dennis turned to his friend and found he was no longer polishing glasses right next to him. Mac was down at the other end of the bar, pouring a beer for a gym-rat type in a sleeveless shirt. There appeared to be a lot more eye contact and giggling going on, on both sides, than was strictly necessary for that kind of transaction. So Mac was doing his own thing while Charlie and Dee were off doing their own thing, and Frank was doing god-knows-what in the back office. Fine. That was great, actually. It was a relief to get a break from piloting everyone in the Gang through whatever storm they had caused this week. Because speaking of piloting, Dennis had a secret of his own. He was a very mysterious and interesting man, after all.

Brian LeFevre started getting better at returning Mandy's calls and e-mails. They were out of the busy winter travel season, he told her, and he was finally getting some time to focus on adorable little Brian Jr. and his wonderful mother. If only he could get another assignment going through North Dakota, but it didn't look like that would happen any time soon, LeFevre sighed to Mandy, filling his voice with regret. Still, he was only a phone call away. 

For several weeks, Dennis focused on running the bar when he was at work and on corresponding with Mandy when he wasn't. It worked pretty well until Charlie, Dee, and Frank's drama emptied the bar on Valentine's Day, and Mac gave him a warm look and a rocket launcher. His frustration over his friends' antics lessened, but at the same time his throat closed up and his stomach was doing... something. It always hurt a little since Dennis had some goddamn self-control and ate when _he_ decided he needed to; he wasn't a slave to petty, animalistic urges like hunger. But whatever his stomach was doing at the moment seemed directly tied to Dennis looking at the expression on Mac's face. Maybe Mac wasn't as wrapped up in his own world as Dennis had thought. He would have to think long and hard about what he was going to do about this _thing_ with Mac. 

He didn't get the chance, though. The thing about Mandy was, she was very sensible. She was a problem-solver. Dennis had forgotten that some people fixed issues with effort and commitment, rather than ignoring the problem until it went away or tricking their friends into doing it for them. If Brian LeFevre couldn't visit her and their son in North Dakota, then she and Brian Jr. would just have to come to Philadelphia. She called him as their plane landed at the airport and cheerfully surprised him with the news. Before Dennis realized what he was doing, he found himself roping the rest of the Gang into helping him with exactly the sort of scheme he professed to hate. And since it was the Gang, they couldn't agree on ONE plan and all work together on that. They had to do Mac's infuriating “Brian LeFevre is gay” plan where he kept insisting on telling Mandy all the sordid details of their imaginary sex life, and then had the absolute TEMERITY to think he could just volunteer to raise Dennis' child with him, and then they had to do Frank's disgusting “decent proposal” plan which almost completely alienated Mandy, and at some point they lost Charlie on some side adventure and ended up doing Dee's surprisingly-intelligent (compared to the others, at least) “Brian LeFevre must die” plan... which didn't exactly work, either, but it did have the desired result of getting Mandy and Brian Jr. to leave with no legal trouble and a minimum of hard feelings. 

They did it, Dennis thought as he hugged his son good-bye. They fixed the problem. He held the kid close. Brian Jr. had never cried during the whole visit. He calmly accepted everything that was going on, all the new people, the new places. Even when his Aunt Dee had angrily lifted him over her head yelling, he just smiled at being up so high. Dennis let Mandy take Brian Jr. back with a reluctance he didn't fully understand. 

Later, watching his friends unselfconsciously show off their cringe-worthy signature dance moves at the bar, Dennis couldn't seem to drink enough to make the uncomfortable feelings about Mandy and Brian Jr. go away. Regret. Guilt. Damn BPD meds were making him feel all sorts of stupid things he wasn't used to feeling. What the hell was he doing? He eagerly pushed Mandy and Brian Jr. away as an inconvenience, but what was so great about his own life? His entire social circle was four people he'd known for most or all of his life, and he alternately loved and hated each of them with an intensity that frightened him. 

What was going to happen with him and Mac? Mac obviously wanted to take things to the next level, yet he'd been just as happy at the idea of pretending to be Dennis' non-sexual romantic partner indefinitely. And alternately, the concept of Mac finding a boyfriend and growing more emotionally distant from Dennis was intolerable. What did that mean? What was Dennis supposed to do with that information? 

And Dee? What the hell was going on with her? She never told him anything about herself except that she was dating a stripper and she wanted Dennis and Mac out of her apartment. Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh when she had talked about... _that_... during the arbitration meeting. But the idea that his sister might develop an incurable progressive disease someday was still completely unacceptable. Dennis could not, would not think about it. He refused. She hadn't said anything more about it because there was nothing to say. It was a non-issue. 

Charlie. What had Charlie been doing for most of the past 24 hours? Something about the Waitress, yet again? He didn't know. As jealous as he'd gotten in the past about Charlie's friendship, Dennis didn't really know him that well anymore. He and Mac were as close as they'd always been, he and Frank had their weird gruesome twosome-nightcrawlers connection, and he and Dee were apparently smoking buddies. Charlie had helped Dennis out on his brief stint as a stripper, but Dennis was no longer sure if that was because they were friends, or because Charlie was amiable and _there_. 

Frank? The less said, the better.

_Genius of Love_ kept playing on the old jukebox, his friends kept dancing, and Dennis grew more and more restless. They didn't need him. He didn't make a single one of their lives better by being in it. He knew Mandy was too good for him, and that he wasn't a good enough father for Brian Jr. But wouldn't it be better to grow up with a dad who wasn't good enough but was at least there, rather than a story about some loser on the other side of the country who lied and lied and lied again to get out of his responsibilities to his son?

Maybe it would be better to start over, try to be a positive influence in somebody's life for once. (He hears Dee's voice mocking him, “ _you wanna do good? You're not good at that!_ ” from long ago.) Better to get away from the will-they-won't-they tension with his oldest friend, away from the terrible knowledge that he'd probably screw things up with Mac no matter which path they took. Away from the horror of having to see Dee sick and dying slowly, surrounded by the old, old people who so revolted her. Away from the stale ritual of keeping up friendships with people he didn't feel close to anymore. Away from the Gang.

“I can't do this,” he hears himself say. “I can't do any of this shit anymore.”

“I'm gonna go be a dad,” he hears himself say. 

There are other things too, other words they hurt and confuse each other with, but as usual, he's too drunk to remember all of it. Dennis leaves the darkened pub in search of a cab, so he can catch up with Mandy and his son before it's too late.

**Author's Note:**

> I was surprised that we never got any follow-up on Dee's potential Parkinson's disease after "Hero or Hate Crime", so this is my attempt to address that. There has been a lot of exploration of Dennis' fear of his and Mac's feelings for each other as a reason for him bailing, which I do agree with and include in this story. However, in my opinion, Dee was a factor as well. I feel like the guy that was prepared to drop everything to follow Dee to California in "The Gang Broke Dee" rather than stay in Philadelphia without her would be so horrified at the idea of his sister developing Parkinson's that he would be more willing to leave the state and start a new life than to confront this as a real possibility.
> 
> I felt like this had to be from Dennis' perspective, but he's the hardest for me to write so I hope it doesn't read as too out-of-character. 
> 
> As always, feel free to say hi on tumblr at my main blog [allophonosaurus](http://www.allophonosaurus.tumblr.com) or my Always Sunny sideblog [take-a-five](http://www.take-a-five.tumblr.com)
> 
> (I hate that I have to say this but this is a NO-INCEST ZONE so please don't thanx....)


End file.
